Laura is talking to Arlo. She’s repeating what he’s saying, then saying it again in her own language. He’s crying loud. He’s shouting what he wants. He is not going to get what he wants. He wants Mr. Piggy to talk on the phone. Laura is my wife. Arlo is my 4yo. Mr. Piggy is the dog.
Arlo repeats. Laura rephrases and tells him that it’s not happening in a sweet way. I fluctuate between wanting to laugh and wanting to move on.
It’s just not happening. This crying and repeating isn’t fun. The shouting doesn’t get us anywhere. We have plenty of fun things to do right now. Let’s move on it!
I sit and observe. Laura’s right. She’s affirming. She’s staying present in the situation with Arlo so that he can process what’s happening. Confronting it and noticing it and logging it will help him understand it. It will help him figure out what it means. It will help him practice appreciating that the feelings don’t always match the situation. It will reinforce that he’s safe.
We all need this affirmation.
My fear when trying to affirm is that I’ll be stuck in wallowing or celebrating and will never progress. This fear can prevent me from feeling myself or connecting with others.
The second step in LAP is affirmation. It’s very important. It’s important to affirm the whole picture too.
Take action: notice something mirky
Think of something that’s kinda been abandoned in your life – your health, your finances, a relationship, the cleanliness of your shoes. Make a true statement to yourself about it. Take in the whole picture and describe it and how you feel about it.