Sometimes (super often for me), we find ourselves involved in unimportant things. We only can do one thing at a time. I think it’s good to do important stuff. If you’re with me, here’s what’s good.
We do this stuff people call “procrastinating” because the cost of doing the good thing seems too high. There are lots of things we can do when cost seems high. Instead of figuring all that out, let’s just get started again on the good thing.
⏱️ Set a timer.
We can set a timer on the phone “hey siri, twenty minutes” … then keep on doing the procrastinating thing until the alarm goes off. This is the way to get away from…
doom scrolling
playing a game
cleaning up too much
searching netflix
watching dumb videos
watching smart videos about unimportant things
doing work that’s tertiary
We can set a calendar date for…
quitting a day job that’s taking energy from our work
quitting a volunteer position
moving from a home that’s a drag
firing an employee
We need these delays
We use them for coping, for resetting, for processing the big stuff. We just want to make sure that the coping is the right size in our lives. This is a way of using Parkinson’s Law. Get it done. Get it out of the way… then make the world a better place!
My friends who have “made it” appreciate it and at the same time often hit a cliff. They don’t know what’s next. They don’t know why they did it. They don’t know how to channel that same greatness again.
It’s a lot.
Feeling directionless at this point is normal because feeling directionless at any point is normal. It seems there’s a pressure on successful people to understand success better than anyone else. Really, we’re all dingles.
The funnest way to have a rudder is to remember our mission or our cause. This can give us firm ground. Even if we don’t have the answers, we can have the big answer. Why are we doing this? Why have we always done this.
We can set up our mission and vision and path and projects so that we always have only one thing to work on. We have clarity and fun whenever we wanna tap in to it.
I was in San Francisco. A scrappy underdog performing on the streets. Suddenly, I found myself starring in my own theater show with rave reviews and the respect of the performers I idolized. My face was on a billboard. My name was in a theme song. After my show, I would taxi across town to headline in another show.
I was still the underdog. I was still the young performer who had a long way to go. I didn’t know where I had to go. I didn’t see this identity fading away, but a little bit… I noticed I needed a little more ambition. So, the move to Los Angeles – the entertainment capital of the world. I would surely be surrounded by great stage entertainers.
I immediately performed in a show with Emmy winning celebrity comedians. Entered a one-man-show competition. The competition was scored by the audiences. I had no friends in LA and the audience was just friends of perfomers. Somehow I tied for first by other peoples’ friends voting!
I got bummed out. I lost my identity. I know in retrospect, this might look goofy – i felt I was at the top. I lost my underdog identity.
I started working on creating a show about propaganda. Creatively got a job at a marketing company to study marketing and propaganda. My disappointment with my success in performing made me consider sticking with the marketing job ”til retirement.
The World Busker Festival called. It was the biggest street performer festival in the world and they didn’t really call anyone. I was invited to perform. I was Eeyore about it and I went. So ungrateful. Christchurch, New Zealand was a paradise especially for a street performer. People were giving me dinner, taking me a bee farm, giving me clothes, cheering, paying me. The performers were incredible. Beyond what i thought was possible.
I quit my marketing job before I got on the plane home.
Two things happened at that time of transformation.
I realized the bar is always higher
I remembered being the underdog was never the point of being an entertainer. I wanted to raise the bar for everyone else
These are the lessons I keep learning. I keep humbling myself and taking on the resposibility to be better than everyone. Do more than anything that’s being done. It enlivens me.
Take action: Think of one hero you’ve surpassed. Breath that in. Set that as your identity.
As an entertainer and over-all stage geek, I have a thing where I try to figure out what’s popular. When I was selling tickets for my self-produced shows I was constantly trying to understand why people buy tickets to things. I wanted to understand why people were famous. I wanted to see what made something a best-seller.
I wanted all the people that got me to get to me. When I tried to make my shows popular, it bummed me out. I got tired. I got confused. I seriously have trouble empathizing with people who buy full price tickets because usually i get to go everywhere for free.
It’s not just that popular is generic, it’s that it’s mediocre and mediocre is worse that bad. I like that that previous sentence repeated two words.
Audiences need to be alive. Filled with life. They can’t be disengaged or fake smiling for the sake of the performer. They need to be living fully.
Popular is dead.
Popular is zombie meat – attracting people to a nothing result. Popular is a state with no hope. No pulse. It’s going to a chain restaurant without delighting in the food. We’re here to animate folks. Disrupt and CPR their shit!
Bad audience
(generated for simple explaination)
Good audience
Look around at a mall. You see mummies looking for name brands at low prices. They have no drive. They will get nothing from it. Look at people at a bold art gallery. Something’s happening here.
My success in ticket selling came from doubling down on what I thought was good. My sentinel also thought it was good. My favorite people thought it was good too. They came to trust me being specific and me. I didn’t have to worrry about what people saw or what my identity was. I just stood up for what I wanted to happen with my creation.
Take Action : write down one thing about yourself that other artists often tell you is a mistake. If there isn’t one, make one now.
A study says that 70% of people have experienced imposter syndrome…
defined as… “the persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills.”
I call BULLSH
Every single person in the world has experienced it and keeps on experiencing it. It’s not something that special. It’s not something to cure. It’s the same as gravity. Let’ss live with it. Thank it for keeping us grounded.
This is the disease that is in every human. Here we are. What will we do from here.
Take Action: Try to Find someone more qualified than yourself to fully do what you do. Fail at it.
Hello.My name is ◼️◼️◼️◼️◼️ and I have been practicing magic for about 6 to 7 years now. I started Magic because it was a portable career.I was hitchhiking across the U.S. and it gave me something that I could use to entertain people rather than beg for money or steal or any of that stuff. I mostly do street performing in small crowds 3 to 10 people. And I also do magic at work whenever people request it at the gas station at work. I’m competent and eager to learn and I want to figure out how I can take my Magic to the next step and start actually making some money with it if I even can.
Like I know People get hired for close up walk arounds and small booths and such. How would I approach getting into some kind of gig like that and what would I need to prepare for that. Really?To be honest I have a lot of questions and i’m not sure What order to ask them in or what Information you need for me to be able to Get a proper informed advice. Really? What I’m asking.
I guess is what would it cost me to get a 1/2 hour of your time Or an hour to be able to maybe get some direction to my Career and get A Better Idea. Which way I need or want to go with it? I’m fairly broke right would probably be a goal for me to have to save up towards, especially if especially if it’s more than 30 or $40. I would just like to get an idea from someone who knows more than I do some suggestions.I haven’t had any magical mentors ever And i’m pretty much Self-taught from YouTube And magic stream and various other sources.
I get great reactions from my crowds. And it makes me feel like I want to pursue this more deeply but I’m kind of lost in that kind of sense. Will all stop Rambling and give you a chance to Reply back.
I just heard your podcast with the professional magician. I loved it and felt like you were the kind of person that I could reach out to and hopefully get an honest answer. And get a positive feedback on how I should focus my efforts. Thank a bunch hope to hear back and have a mystical day.
My response
Awesome! Thanks for the note. Street performing has been a major thing for me. It shaped a lot of everything that I do.
You’ve been working at this for a long time and you’re killing it. I’m sure if you’ve done that many performances, you have a certain skill level with fooling people. The next stage in making it a business is making it something worth money. All pros do something beyond tricks. They have an application that’s valuable.
tradeshows, for example
Let’s say you want to be doing $3k days at tradeshows a few times a month. Attracting people to tradeshow booths and doing fun magic and comedy with them. You want to go to the Magic castle a few times a month to hang out with friends. You want to take your dog to the beach every day. In this scenario, you might want to figure out how to turn your magic into something marketable for tradeshow people – corporate marketers. They want a ton of people engaged with their product. You would work on attracting big crowds an pitching products and services.
You could hit the streets hard. Figure out how to do shows that draw in 100 or more people. Become a human magnet. Anywhere you go, you know how to pull a bunch of people together. you’re unstoppable. do 5 shows a day so you can get really good at it and pay your bills at the same time. Maybe you also start a social account where you enjoyably pitch products. you don’t even have to buy them. go to the mall, pull something off the shelf and make it sound desirable. Do two videos a day. Be bad at these things until you’re great.
This kind of singular focus will mean fast progress. It might not feel fast, but if you don’t give up and you repeat repeat repeat, you will be killer.
Then, people won’t even ask you if you can do a gig well. They’ll see you pulling in a huge crowd, they’ll see your pitching prowess, and they’ll know you obviously can make them a lot of money.
Once we have this goal, it’s easy to answer questions. How much do i charge to perform at this kids show? Cash will help me with my goal, but it won’t help me in any other way, so $4000.
Take action
There are a zillion paths for you to take your magic skills. Pretty much anyone is qualified for any path. To get to a really fulfilling destination, you’ll need a big commitment. take some time thinking of the big picture. write down a mission, a vision, and a path. Then, set a goal for 3 years in the future. What lifestyle do you want to be living. I mean really. We imagine everyone would want to live in a mansion, but in reality, mansion living isn’t that fun. Golfing daily is boring.
Any path you take will probably include relationships with people. You said you haven’t had mentors. It’s a good time to connect with other magicians and performers. Send a lot of emails like you did to me. Start relationships with people that are better and worse than you. Make friendships. Share life.
While progress is the part that is exciting (this is the purpose of the LAP), it’s also the scariest for our recipient (or ourselves). The rubber meets the road and we’re not sure how much rubber it’s gonna cost us. This is the point where cost is calculated. The love and affirmation help us to feel safe in taking a risk. The progress is the risk.
How much time, energy, and money is it going to cost me?
Is the result worth the cost?
How likely is the result going to come in this gamble?
So, when we’re asked to do something simple, like “just return this contract signed” we probably have a ton of obstacles / objections that are completely unvoiced.
When asking ourselves or another person to take action, we want to make sure that we take away as many obstacles as possible, don’t add any obstacles, make the result awesome, and build trust that the result will result.
The LOOTERS format of a proposal makes all this smoother for bigger commitments. WIth smaller commitments and shorter messages, certain things gotta be implied.
We can reduce cost
by making the next step we’re requesting be easy.
Send this contract to your lawyers,
vs
Print out and sign this contract
vs
Sign this contract online
vs
Tell me “heck yeah!”
We can improve the reward
by making a clear and believable outcome
and we’ll move forward toward having production meetings
vs
and we’ll continue to the next step
vs
and you’ll be 80% to having your show booked
vs
and we’ll be all locked in – getting it off your plate and assuring you’ll have a great entertainment experience on June 3!
Take Action: rebuild
look thru old text messages that have no response from the recipient. sometimes a response is the only next step you’re requesting. How can you rework one of those messages to clarify the next step? Maybe “send me an emoji and i’ll try to guess where you are”
Laura is talking to Arlo. She’s repeating what he’s saying, then saying it again in her own language. He’s crying loud. He’s shouting what he wants. He is not going to get what he wants. He wants Mr. Piggy to talk on the phone. Laura is my wife. Arlo is my 4yo. Mr. Piggy is the dog.
Arlo repeats. Laura rephrases and tells him that it’s not happening in a sweet way. I fluctuate between wanting to laugh and wanting to move on.
It’s just not happening. This crying and repeating isn’t fun. The shouting doesn’t get us anywhere. We have plenty of fun things to do right now. Let’s move on it!
I sit and observe. Laura’s right. She’s affirming. She’s staying present in the situation with Arlo so that he can process what’s happening. Confronting it and noticing it and logging it will help him understand it. It will help him figure out what it means. It will help him practice appreciating that the feelings don’t always match the situation. It will reinforce that he’s safe.
We all need this affirmation.
My fear when trying to affirm is that I’ll be stuck in wallowing or celebrating and will never progress. This fear can prevent me from feeling myself or connecting with others.
The second step in LAP is affirmation. It’s very important. It’s important to affirm the whole picture too.
Take action: notice something mirky
Think of something that’s kinda been abandoned in your life – your health, your finances, a relationship, the cleanliness of your shoes. Make a true statement to yourself about it. Take in the whole picture and describe it and how you feel about it.
Real love is internal. Real gratitude is internal.
We can express our love or our gratitude. Expression is external. It’s helpful to have a starting place of how to express the stuff.
Start with effect
Magic catalogs list tricks starting with the effect. They first describe what the audience sees. Telling the story of something impossible happening. Here’s an example from penguin magic…
You show a coin and place it on your spectator’s hand. With complete confidence you wave your hand (fingers open) over the coin…
The coin vanishes right before the spectator’s eyes in one of the most visual moments in all of magic. The best part is, your hands can be shown completely clean!
Explaining the difference the trick makes is a great way to describe the trick in a way that matters. Explaining the difference in ourselves is a great way to express love. Instead of “I love you sooo much” saying “my eyes go crossed when I think of your smile”
More examples…
“You made me rethink my situation and it blew me away”
“that one small gift is still sticking in my head 3 years later”
“it inspires me to see what you’re doing for kids”
“I could really use a wink from you right now”
Real love … real words
We can want people to do things for us and love them at the same time. We can think that things that are good for us are mutually beneficial. When I tell artists to fall in love with their customers, I mean it genuinely. Love people. Express the love. Sincerely. being real is more fun and more convincing and more valuable to everyone.
Easy to believe
When there’s some objectivity, there’s believability. Saying the result of love makes us sound more real. It feels good to remind ourselves what we mean by love. It attunes us to what’s important to us.
Take action : Tell someone how they change or have changed you.
Yesterday, I wrote about the LAP – a shortcut for progressive communication. Here’s a longer shortcut. When making a proposal, there’s often a lot more to communicate and we want to do it in order.
Here’s a video about it.
I may or may not have had a sore throat. since recording it, i’ve changed the R to Results.
L 💚 Love – Express genuine love and enthusiasm for the person and their project. ( show love ) O 🎯 Objective – Clearly state the objectives and goals of the person you’re addressing. ( value pile ) O 🌟 Opportunity – Highlight the opportunity and how you can help achieve the objectives. ( opportunity ) T 🤝 Trust – Build trust by sharing your credentials, past successes, and testimonials. ( trust ) E 💪 Effort – Outline the scope of work and what effort will be required to achieve the objectives. ( effort ) R 📋 Results – Specify the results, including cost and any necessary resources or conditions. S 🚶 Step Forward – Provide a clear next action for the client to take.
We all want a shortcut to having others do our bidding because our bidding is always right! We do this with their best interest at heart.
Everyone is great!
I can get impatient. I see a solution to a situation and I want it moving. I want to go and fix and make things awesome ASAP. I can get fixated on progress. I can be pushy or seem irrational.
Others feel safest when they’re analyzing a situation. Pick it apart, figure out how it feels. Maybe even wallow in it.
Some folks want to appreciate themselves and others. They want to give a lot of love and find a lot of love.
All these people are rad. I love people who weigh heavier on these different stages.
Success in communication and empathy
We are tribal. A primary drive is to not be alone. As a result, we’ve all gotten lots of hours in of understanding empathy, motivation, and communication styles of others.
Let’s move! Ignore the personality types.
There are labels that people put on people. Eg: this person is type-a or this is a D on the DISC scale. To me, it feels a little icky though I appreciate that people are trying to connect. Instead of objectifying people, I try to systematize the process. A friend calls it my LAP dance. Love, Affirm, Progress.
From the list at the top, you can see them in reverse order : 1️⃣ progress (what we do next) 2️⃣ affirm (where we at) 3️⃣ love (show that we’re safe and all on the same page)
Meet people wherever they are with the LAP
If the recipient of your message is in need of any part of the LAP, giving them the whole thing will do the trick. We can give them the whole LAP and they’ll join us along the way 😀
Here’s an example of a text message using the LAP.
“
I’m pumped to see you! I need your sunshine right now! You’re so great at picking restaurants that are delicious and adventurous. I know you put a ton of thought into Sandy’s Diner. Could you possibly find a spot that has more vegan things on the menu?
“
We all need this
Everyone needs all three stages. Sometimes those stages are implied. For me, the LAP is a way to know the process to get people to understand how I think. For me, being unbalancedly progress oriented, it reminds me to tell people the truth up front
I really do love the people I’m talking to.
I appreciate the situation we’re in and i want it to be even better
I am eager to present a way to move forward with fun
Any of us can get stuck in any part of the LAP, so this is a way to be more well-rounded in communication.
The technique can expand to large writing projects or oral communication or whatever!
Take Action : send a text
practice it now. Send a message to someone with something easy you want to improve, propose a phone call, or whatever. Giving someone an all-three message is a great gift. It keeps us playing the game of life together.
We want to think bigger like other people do. It feels dangerous. There’s a reason that trying to do gigs for 2x as much feels like life or death. There’s a reason that imagining buying a big house with art makes us eat a whole pizza.
It’s a matter of life and death.
We’re tribal. We live in tribes and we die when we leave them. Living in a tribe in a village, if we’re kicked out of the village, if the tribe rejects us, we are dead. We can’t defend ourselves, we can’t find food or water. We die. Rejection kills us. This is built in to who we are. So, when my tribe (the people i surround myself with) tells me that I’m not allowed to live in a trailer park, and I’m also not allowed to live in a 5 bedroom house with a pool, I listen. I know that they’re right. It’s an unquestioned ruling that is built into my nervous system. It’s just as important as looking out for tigers.
Jim Rohn once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” This makes it sound like a delightful little tidbit to make our lives a little better and it’s a good thing to remember. The truth of why it feels so important and impossible sometimes to swing for the fences, is that we are gonna die.
The people that care about us also want to keep us safe. They want to keep us in the tribe and want everyone in the tribe to accept us. That means caring advice is often bad advice – it’s based on preservation in an artifical dangerzone rather than growth and thriving.
By having big ambitions, it’s worth it to do big stuff.
Rebel
One thing we can do is risk death by denying the tribal margin of acceptance. We can rebel against what our loved ones tell us. This sucks because it makes us feel in danger the entire time we’re doing it
Move
We can change tribes. This is painful if done all at once. Say goodbye to everyone close and move on. This is a thing that addicts in recovery or reformed criminals can do especially when actual life and death is on the line.
Lens Change
We can have conversations with people who are most influential to us. We can find out if our boyfriend really wants us to get a day job, or if that’s a misinterpretation. We can find out if our aunt really believes that art is a waste. Even though our tribe can be limiting, sometimes it’s helpful to see what the real limits are so we can expand within them.
Take action : get out
Send a text message right now to someone that’s inspirational to you. Someone who might feel like they’re too good for you. Someone who you think has a good quality that could rub off. We don’t have to cancel our entire tribe. We can just take a loaf of bread to another one.
