Only half of you need to hear this…collaborate! The other half need to hold on to their voice. This is the balancing act of specificity we all play.
I love a strong voice, I love powerful personalities and daring creative choices. That’s why I was extremely solo in my pursuits for a long time.
100 theater cooking shows of loneliness
In San Francisco, I was idiotically isolated in my production of CuliNery Tuesdays which became Crash Course. I was holding on to the creative reigns so tightly that I really messed myself up.
I was cooking, cleaning, rebuilding the stage, promoting, writing, inventing recipes, performing, and whatever else mostly by myself. When the ticket person got there, I already had a list of attendees ready to go. When the tech guy got there, I had the powerpoint and the lighting cues all setup.
It was hard.
I identified as an entertainment underdog and I thought that it had to be hard. I thought struggle was the measure of success. I had tunnel vision and, although some great things were created, I could have done so much more with help.
The worst part…I was sick a lot, probably malnourished (funny doing a cooking show) and definitely under-rested. It was all silly. I was feeling close to quitting entertainment when the run of Crash Course was over.
My biggest fears were…
- If I delegated anything besides a little dishwashing, the show would be off track
- If I asked for help, that time would take away from the work that I was putting in.
- It would not be mine anymore
- I will run out of favors
Collaborating means giving up some of it
There is some truth to the idea that collaborating dilutes the ownership of a project. That’s how it is. When this dilution turns into fear, it’s a weakness. Nobody’s independent. There are many people who want to see us succeed and all they want is to witness their impact on good work. It’s not a land-grab and it’s not a zero sum game. We can share the effort and still get glory.
Also, the glory is really in the pursuit of cool work, more than the result. If we’re seeking validation from our creations, it’s gonna be a pretty empty existence.
Collaborating takes time and energy
It also gives back something different to the collaborators. It helps define the mission. It helps clarify intentions. It helps take a big picture view. Being forced to turn theories and dreams into words makes things more concrete. So, while we’re spending our time and energy on something besides the direct work, we’re getting more benefits that exponentially fuel other parts of the work.
Working with other people also forces us to justify the ludicrous ideas we have. That can feel dangerous, but most of the time, it either strengthens our voice or helps us compromise and find more positive and effective paths to our genius.
Collaborating doesn’t have to mute our voice
If we feel that it’s too early to collaborate on a project because our voice isn’t formed, we are wrong. The important modifier is the scope of collaboration. We can ask for help on rewriting a sentence, or get feedback on an email we’re about to send out, or ask a designer what colors to use. A simple straightforward question in a small scope will not do anything but simplify things for us and empower our collaborators.
Getting help leads to more help
When I give someone advice, they take it and come back to me with the results, I am pumped! I am so glad to help them. This, I think is true for most people.
I don’t do favors and I don’t ask for favors. Favors are transactional. I want to do things for others because I enjoy doing them. I ask for the same from others. We don’t need to keep track because we’re all having fun!
It’s not so heavy, probably
I have stuff that I think is heavy. I think it’s a lot of work to do a certain thing, but for others it’s cake. A big part of that is emotional detachment. Making a phone call or taking care of some business might carry some baggage for me. When we ask for assistance from someone, we can get all the lightness they bring.
We are not solo animals evolutionarily. We need people. We need to be around people. We love ourselves thru people.