Personally, I avoid transactional relationships. I don’t do favors that are owed later. Either I want to do something for someone or I don’t.
Professionally, I try to do as many things to help others as possible. Then, when the work gets bigger, more special, or impacts my life more; it becomes transactional. I’m trading for something. Usually money.
I love giving as much as I can and I truly love helping people achieve more of what they want, but…
help is a dirty word.
We don’t want help. Getting help is admitting a weakness. If we’re going to be respected, we’re going to need independence.
Be a bonus
Offering help is often rejected, so it is sometimes more productive to offer to…
- chip in
- add to
- be a part of
- gift
- donate
If we recognize people are doing good things and we want to add on to what they’re already doing, it’s not a challenge to their capabilities. It’s a compliment to their capabilities.
Being on the other side works gang-busters
Requesting help has the opposite effect. It can be one of the most effective ways to START a conversation. When we’re reaching out to a booker, publisher, media person, or other gate keeper, sometimes it’s better to ask them directly for help than to make an offer to them.
The help people like giving is not simple
When requesting help:
- The request is best if it’s specific to that person. What special things does that person have that would especially qualify them to help. Folks like feeling useful for their special mix of who they are.
- We need to show that the help will be valuable to us. People don’t like spending time with no result.
- If the helpers don’t know us, we need to show that we have a mission they like.
- Make the assistance easy to provide. If help can be boiled down to a single yes / no question, that’s baller.
- The help needs to have an obvious result. Eg: “I think your feedback could make my mom love me again. Could you please tell me what you think of this holiday card?”
- Ask for something unusual. It doesn’t have to be weird, but if you’re asking Richard Branson for money for anything, you’ll probably be outta luck.