We all want a shortcut to having others do our bidding because our bidding is always right! We do this with their best interest at heart.
Everyone is great!
- I can get impatient. I see a solution to a situation and I want it moving. I want to go and fix and make things awesome ASAP. I can get fixated on progress. I can be pushy or seem irrational.
- Others feel safest when they’re analyzing a situation. Pick it apart, figure out how it feels. Maybe even wallow in it.
- Some folks want to appreciate themselves and others. They want to give a lot of love and find a lot of love.
All these people are rad. I love people who weigh heavier on these different stages.
Success in communication and empathy
We are tribal. A primary drive is to not be alone. As a result, we’ve all gotten lots of hours in of understanding empathy, motivation, and communication styles of others.
Let’s move! Ignore the personality types.
There are labels that people put on people. Eg: this person is type-a or this is a D on the DISC scale. To me, it feels a little icky though I appreciate that people are trying to connect. Instead of objectifying people, I try to systematize the process. A friend calls it my LAP dance. Love, Affirm, Progress.
From the list at the top, you can see them in reverse order : 1️⃣ progress (what we do next) 2️⃣ affirm (where we at) 3️⃣ love (show that we’re safe and all on the same page)
Meet people wherever they are with the LAP
If the recipient of your message is in need of any part of the LAP, giving them the whole thing will do the trick. We can give them the whole LAP and they’ll join us along the way 😀
Here’s an example of a text message using the LAP.
“
I’m pumped to see you! I need your sunshine right now! You’re so great at picking restaurants that are delicious and adventurous. I know you put a ton of thought into Sandy’s Diner. Could you possibly find a spot that has more vegan things on the menu?
“
We all need this
Everyone needs all three stages. Sometimes those stages are implied. For me, the LAP is a way to know the process to get people to understand how I think. For me, being unbalancedly progress oriented, it reminds me to tell people the truth up front
- I really do love the people I’m talking to.
- I appreciate the situation we’re in and i want it to be even better
- I am eager to present a way to move forward with fun
Any of us can get stuck in any part of the LAP, so this is a way to be more well-rounded in communication.
The technique can expand to large writing projects or oral communication or whatever!
Take Action : send a text
practice it now. Send a message to someone with something easy you want to improve, propose a phone call, or whatever. Giving someone an all-three message is a great gift. It keeps us playing the game of life together.